just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
