is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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