***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
