Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
