Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
