Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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