I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
