the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't deserve a penis
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
