I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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