oh god the rape fog is back!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
