tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize