he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I pour the whiskey from now on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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