What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
