weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
