Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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