youre lurking in front of me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
