You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
