Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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