i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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