you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
