Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
