booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
