farters have to be the big spoon...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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