And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
