At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
