she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wow bdsm is so cute
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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