Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
