If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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