dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
