I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
