dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
