Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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