Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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