Buhtt sex?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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