It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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