I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
