i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
