so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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