did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
