He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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