I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize