He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
