he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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