I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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