Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
