He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
