I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
