Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
