Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
