Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
