in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
