she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the raccoons are back...
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