I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
