you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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