Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm like, not good at living.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
