how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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