even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
