So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
