is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
