Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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