i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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