someone get that fucking seahorse.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
