oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
