so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
