end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
