Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
