She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
