Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone signed my nipple.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
