with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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