she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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