Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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