I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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