Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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