he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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