Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
