Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
