Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
