Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize