he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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