can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
