On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
