I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
