Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
