Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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