I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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