if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
