I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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